Here is a transcript, edited for clarity:
Good morning. As I’m speaking, it’s eight o’clock in the morning here in the Netherlands. It’s two o’clock in the morning in New York. It is Friday. Nevertheless, we made it to Friday. We are not having a new episode of The Five 8 tonight, although we will be replaying an old episode. So if you want to go gather and hang out in the chat, there’s a space for you to do that.
But because we’re not having the show and there’s so much happening this week, I thought maybe for this ramble, I would just quickly do five topics—like boom, boom, boom, not for eight minutes each, because my God.
1/ Manbaby
So Trump was at the United Nations and gave possibly the worst speech in the history of U.S. diplomacy, which is saying something. I think he basically called other countries losers and wimps and said they were going to hell? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. He made a fool of himself. He made a fool of the country. And the Daily Mirror in the UK ran a headline—it just said DERANGED in really big letters, with a picture of him doing his thing with his arms that he does. Then: World’s most powerful man baby. Trump rants to UN about climate migrants, Gaza, Sadiq’s ‘Sharia London,’ escalators, marble floors, and teleprompters. The great concerns facing the planet: the broken teleprompter, the broken escalator.
The broken escalator is one of the funniest things ever. Again, I didn’t really see this happen live, but he’s going up the escalator, Melania’s in front of him, and the escalator suddenly stops working. And she looks so mad, like she’s never been more mad in her life than now. Her husband’s, like, right behind her, kind of barreling into her, and she just looks so pissed off. And the two of them have to climb up a whole flight of stairs, which Trump remarks upon in his speech. “Oh my God, thank God that the First Lady’s in good shape.”
And then it turns out, of course, it’s his own fault. His own team is who made the escalator stop, because they didn’t understand how it works. Which is just—that right there encapsulates almost everything you need to know about this guy. There’s a basic functioning thing that’s been around forever. His team fucked it up and he wants to blame someone else—and do it angrily. That’s the Trump way.
So I think now other nations, if there was any doubt that this guy was a complete idiot deranged loser, I think they now know that he’s a complete idiot deranged loser. That’s the good news. The bad news is he’s still the president and God knows what he’s going to do to heal from this narcissistic injury. Unless he just didn’t even notice. It’s possible he didn’t notice. You know, he’s such a narcissist, he might just have thought everyone was there, worshipful. I don’t know.
2/ Open Bar
Pete Hegseth, our Secretary of Defense, excuse me, Secretary of War, SECRETARY OF WAR, has called for all these generals and admirals and all these high-up top brass in the military to descend upon Virginia for some kind of retreat that hasn’t happened like this in like 30 years.
It’s very rare that this happens. No one knows why it’s happening. It’s kind of ominous, although he just might be wanting to flex his muscles as Secretary of War and just walk around and talk about how everybody’s too woke. That’s probably the best case scenario. But, you know, put it on your on your radar. Because Hegseth is a dangerous guy. He is drunk. He is stupid and he’s angry about everything all the time. I
mean, he just did a thing where he’s basically giving back the honor of the U.S. soldiers who fought at Wounded Knee, which is a massacre of the Native Americans. Out of the blue and for no reason! Like, nobody’s lobbying for this, but he does it anyway. Mostly I think just to piss off Native Americans? And I guess he’s been too woke this week, Pete Hegseth. He had to find someone else to offend.
This guy—I don’t know why they think that power can only be expressed by being an asshole. It would be nice if they realized that that was actually not the case and that the most powerful people don’t need to be assholes. Assholery as a flexing of power is for the weak, ultimately. But, you know, Pete is too stupid or too drunk to realize this. However, I mean, his hair looks great. So much pomade. So wonderful.
3/ Don’t Buy For Me, Argentina
Argentina has this crazy president who looks like, kind of like Wolverine. And he’s like a maniac, weirdo, Trumpy kind of guy. You know, got into office by making all these crazy promises. He’s kind of like, I don’t know, Eva Peron, but in the body of Wolverine, but crazier somehow.
And in a related story, Argentina is going broke. So Trump has now ordered the U.S. government to bail out Argentina. So the economics of this are, basically, he’s going to fuck over people in the United States to help people in Argentina. Right? Fuck over people in the United States to help people in Argentina. That’s what’s happening.
And I’m not going to editorialize about whether or not it’s a good idea, but I will say that if your entire policy platform for the last eight years has been AMERICA FIRST, bailing out a foreign country at the expense of the US taxpayer is by definition not America first. Just saying.
I don’t wish anything, any harm on the people of Argentina. It’s a great country. I hope that they can get rid of this guy like we can get rid of our guy, and we can resume having presidents and people in power who are not dumb lunatic idiot narcissistic weirdos.
4/ Comey’s My Homie
So I wrote about this in Rough Beast because Kash Patel, as we know, went on a bunch of podcasts saying that if they got back in power, they were going to exact revenge upon everybody that slighted Trump, or they perceived to have slighted Trump during the last four years or whatever. So the DOJ was going to be used for retribution and they were going to go after their enemies criminally and civilly. That’s what Kash Patel said on, I think it was Steve Bannon’s podcast years ago, a couple of years ago.
And verily it has come to pass. We know that they’re going around suing everybody. We know that the DOJ is now just basically an arm of, you know, Trump’s whatever. Now, I’ve said this many times, going to say it again: Pam Bondi and Kash Patel were both given huge positions in Trump’s media company when he formed it in 2021 after he lost the election, He gave them shares in his company shares, which are now worth millions and millions of dollars, and they’ve sold some of these shares to take in the millions of millions of dollars. And there weren’t a lot of people who were given these shares. It wasn’t like there was 50 people. It was like maybe a dozen, if that. Maybe half a dozen. Okay, and two of them are Pam Bondi and Kash Patel.
So they’re given these shares, they sell off a lot of these shares for millions and millions of dollars. And then Trump puts them in positions, not only positions of power, key positions. Kash Patel runs the major investigation operation of the federal government, and Pam Bondi runs the operation that indicts people. That seems like something that Trump would want real tight control on the levers of those two particular powers.
And he’s effectively pre-bribed them. Right? Because he’s already given them all this money. Their livelihood depends on him. And now, here they are. So, do we really think that they’re gonna do what’s right? Or are they gonna just, you know, go with who’s buttering their bread?
Anyway, so, Kash Patel did say this, and this is, you know, it’s come to pass. Now, there was a U.S. attorney in Virginia who did not want to just go around indicting people for no reason, because you don’t do that. And so Trump fired that person and replaced that person with, I think, somebody that won one of his beauty pageants? I’m not really sure. We don’t know that much about her yet. She looks very much like Hope Hicks, as I’m not the first person to point out. I think probably that’s why she was chosen. She has zero prosecutorial experience. She does have a law degree, so at least that’s something. And now she’s gone ahead and she’s indicted James Comey for making false statements, which he did not do.
And Comey did go on and release a little video clip, which I thought was good, because sometimes these guys get indicted and you don’t hear from them because the attorney advises silence. And Comey is not playing that game, which is great. And I think this is a wonderful opportunity for Comey to really be forthcoming about what exactly Trump did with the Russians and with Crossfire Hurricane. It’s in a court of law. “You want me to not lie; here’s what happened.” That’s what we want to hear. I want to hear that. I want Comey to be as forthcoming as possible. And I want this to backfire on Trump. I want it to bite him in his big fat ass. And I think it will.
5/ Epstein Confessions?
Okay, so Gal Suburban sent me this clip because again, I’ve been traveling that I missed of Trump talking at the press conference with RFK about the vaccines and the autism and all that. There’s been a lot of attention paid to Tylenol, obviously. God bless Tylenol, by the way. I had a bad headache on the way over here and I took Tylenol and it went away. So, you know, it’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I live to tell the tale, whatever.
But buried in this video, Trump is talking about the hepatitis B vaccine. So I’m gonna attempt to play this clip. So here, listen up, let’s hear what he says.
[plays clip]
Okay, now you’ve seen the clip, you’ve heard what he says. What he’s basically saying is the hepatitis B vaccine is good, but it’s not necessary for a baby or a two year old because it is a sexually transmitted disease and therefore it’s okay for 12 year olds.
Now, if I said that or you said that or a physician said that or if anybody else said that, we wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. But here’s a guy, credibly accused of pedophilia. So is this a confession? Is this Trump saying 12 year olds should be sexually active? Or in his brain, he’s thinking by the time you’re 12 and you’re a girl, you’re sexually active so you can have the hepatitis B vaccine?
I don’t know, I’m just asking questions, but it seems to me like he wouldn’t say something like that unless he associated the age of 12 with sexual activity. So that’s disgusting. He’s disgusting. These people are all disgusting.
And before I leave, I’m going to remind you of one more thing, with regards Epstein. The best case scenario for Trump in regards Epstein is that he was very, very good friends for 15 years with two of the world’s worst ever child sex traffickers and allowed them to use Mar-a-Lago, his property, to “steal,” his words, steal, girls, underage girls, that they would rape and traffic.
That’s the best case scenario for Trump. That’s the best case scenario. And that’s not—it’s worse than that. Put it this way, if anything in the Epstein files was going to exonerate Trump, believe me, we would know about it right now. They are moving heaven and earth to keep these things under seal. Now, why would that be? Why would that be? I think we know enough about Trump by now. You know, this is a guy who will talk about anything. If he wants to shut stuff up and shut stuff down. There’s always a reason. Always a reason. What does he shut down? Taxes, medical, Melania’s immigration stuff, this. All things that we still don’t really know the truth about. And of course, all the Russia stuff. You know, the Putin stuff, what was said in Helsinki, all of that. Anything he wants to keep secret, he keeps secret, not for national security reasons, but because he knows it will make him look guilty.
That’s what I have observed. So it seems to me that if and when the Epstein files are released and if this—you know, there’s a new person now coming in the house in Arizona, which apparently is going to give the votes that we need to have a vote on this thing. If that’s the case and the Epstein files are released and we see what’s in there and they have to take it seriously. I don’t know. We might have President Vance. I don’t know if that’s going to be any better, but it can’t be any worse.
So again, I am here in the Netherlands, which is a great country. Maastricht, beautiful city. I found the best bar in Maastricht last night, totally cool place. I shall perhaps return again this evening. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m enjoying not being in United States, not having Trump rammed down my throat everywhere I go, which is a delight.
I hope that everybody has a lovely weekend insofar as that’s possible. I’m coming back next week. And in the meantime, just always remember: we shall prevail.
