24 Villains for '24

Two dozen of the very worst Americans, ranked.

Welcome to the second annual PREVAIL “Villains” ranking. What a difference a year makes! When I wrote the first piece last year, we were still waiting for Jack Smith to make his move. Now, in the most pivotal election year since 1860, we’re waiting for four different Trump trials to kick off. Twenty twenty-four’s gonna be a doozy.

A few notes on my methodology: While there are plenty of worthy foreign nationals who are as evil as they come—Vladimir the Puny comes to mind, as does Bibi the Butcher—I’ve confined myself to U.S. citizens. Also, I’d like to apologize for the lack of diversity. Incredibly, the list of horrible Americans is populated in the main by white men.

While the order is subjective, I tried to rank these miscreants according to how awful they are. For that, my primary metric is body count: how many people have suffered and/or died, or will suffer and die, because of their actions.

Finally, this is hardly an exhaustive list, nor is it meant to be. There are, alas, scores of wretched Americans I could have included. Please excuse the many other worthy (or rather unworthy) candidates I missed, and feel free to suggest omissions in the comments.

A number of 2023’s villains did not make the cut this year, including Josh Hawley (ranked 13), Marco Rubio (20), Alex Jones (21), Erik Prince (22), that horrible Libs of TikTok woman (10), and the Pipe Bomber (18), as well as:

Tucker Carlson (previous rank: 4)

The former Fox News host remains the bottomfeeder in the Putin/Orbán/Carlson Human Centipede. Fortunately, the loss of his platform has hurt his ability to hurt more people.

Ron DeSantis (previous rank: 14)

Once the presumptive favorite to replace Trump at the top of the ticket, Casey’s Meatball Man will be lucky to keep his job ruining Florida.

Kevin McCarthy (previous rank: 19)

I nailed this one last time:

Fodder for O. Henry; the Capitol Hill version of the guy who made a wish on the cursed monkey’s paw. In 2015, he’s cracking wise about Putin paying Trump and Dana Rohrabacher. In 2021, a few weeks after the insurrection, he’s in Mar-a-Lago, kissing the ring on Trump’s tiny hand. He wants Pelosi’s gavel so badly he’s willing to endure any humiliation, however debasing, to achieve it. McCarthy’s going to make Republicans yearn for the good old days, when the worst thing you could say about their House Speaker was that he was a pedophile.

Farewell, loser.

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And now, the dirty two dozen:

24. Roger Stone (previous rank: 16)

“Since the days of Nixon,” I wrote last year, “this shameless rightwing operative has been a festering herpes blister on the genitals of our fair republic. Just when you think the rash is gone, it breaks out again.” This remains true, but the blister is less pussy. Stone is a year older, and frailer, and at war with so many people in the GOP, I’ve lost track.

23. Matt Gaetz (previously unranked)

A wretched traitor who carries water for the Kremlin, and is smart enough to cause real damage. Vintage 99 led the charge to expel McCarthy from the House—just when Ukraine was heating up and the Israel-Hamas war was beginning. When are the charges dropping? Or is Gaetz—like another notorious Florida resident with a yen for young girls, Jeffrey Epstein—immune from prosecution?

22. Marjorie Taylor Greene (previous rank: 17)

The nicest thing we can say about this hateful, stupid troglodyte is that she didn’t get busted jerking off her new boyfriend at a performance of Beetlejuice: The Musical.

21. Rupert Murdoch (previous rank: 2)

As I wrote last year, this purveyor of disinformation, fake news, and bilious hate is “unequivocally one of the worst human beings to ever draw breath on this planet.” But he’s sold his controlling interest in News Corp, and, I mean, in March he’ll turn ninety-fucking-three. I know that evil preserves these malevolent old geezers, like severed body parts in formaldehyde, but even Kissinger didn’t live forever.

20. Ginni Thomas (previous rank: 5)

When Moscow Never Sleeps wrote his prescient piece about Clarence Thomas on these pages in December of 2020, I had never heard of Virginia Lamp Thomas. Her anonymity is what made her so effective. We’re on to her now, and Clarence’s corruption problems ain’t going away.

19. Leonard Leo (previous rank: 7)

Knight of Malta and loser from Central Jersey who was the prime mover behind the Dobbs decision now has pockets so deep he may never run out of cash—but like his old chum Ginni, Leo operates best in the shadows. Diligent reporters like Heidi Przybyla, Nina Burleigh, and the team at ProPublica have put him under the microscope—where, yes, he does bear a striking resemblance to Yersinia pestis—and will continue to make him famous in 2024.

18. Scott Presler (previously unranked)

With his long, flowing, well-Garnier Fructis’d locks, he looks like he should be cosplaying Tolkien and not MAGA activism. In 2016, he co-founded Gays For Trump—it may as well be Alderaanans for Vader—making Presler one of the few gays for Trump not cowering miserably in the closet. His campaign to take over the RNC from soulless Ronna Romney No More is less quixotic than it first appears; he’s very good at registering new voters, and is human catnip for middle-aged Republican women.

17. Nick Fuentes (previously unranked)

Like Presler, he is young and influential in far-right circles. Unlike Presler, he is an outspoken admirer of both Adolf Hitler and Vladimir Putin.

16. Thought leaders of the NRx (previously unranked)

You can read about these authoritarian weirdos here:

15. Charlie Kirk (previous rank: 12)

With his bedhead and his uncanny resemblance to the anthropomorphic moon from the “Mac Tonight” commercials, Kirk is probably the most influential young conservative media figure. As I wrote last year, he’s “up to his too-close-together eyeballs in the insurrection. During his deposition with the J6 Committee, he pleaded the Fifth to almost everything, including a question about his age.” Not much has changed, other than a marked loss of interest in brushes and combs.

14. James Comer (previously unranked)

As the GOP’s primary “Biden Crime Family” attack dog, Comer and his plump, unctuous face is on TV all the time, yammering on about Hunter Biden this, Hunter Biden that, promising new evidence that never turns up. How many of this past year’s 5,840 waking hours did this creep spend looking at pictures of Hunter Biden’s prodigious shlong? And how many of Comer’s 2,920 sleeping hours were spent dreaming of it?

13. Greg Abbott, Dan Patrick, Ken Paxton (previous rank: 6)

Last year’s entry on these corrupt, evil motherfuckers:

The troika that rules the Lone Star State—and yes, I’m using troika because it’s a Russian word—is the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost of pure evil. There are banana republics less corrupt. What with the voter suppression and gerrymandering, the fascistic anti-abortion laws so draconian they harken back to the Fugitive Slave Act, the extreme vaccine and mask denial, the preponderance of guns, and the state power grid pooping out every time it gets too hot or too cold, Texas exemplifies the GOP attitude toward the people: “Fuck you, die.”

Nothing has changed except the egregiousness of their corruption and the number of people they’ve harmed. Paxton, an outright crook, is on the short list for Attorney General in a second Trump term.

12. Charles McGonigal (previously unranked)

How much damage did this filthy traitor do to the country he betrayed? How many people died, directly or indirectly, because of his treachery? Are we still in danger because of his treasonous activities while running counterintelligence at the FBI?

11. Jared Kushner (previous rank: 1)

As I wrote last year:

Look, I kind of understand, if I don’t condone, letting Mark Meadows get away with voter fraud, and Erik Prince slide for perjury, and even giving FPOTUS a mulligan for the whole insurrection business. It’s like Yale handing Dubya the gentleman’s C. But once the death toll you’re directly responsible for hits seven digits, I feel like, I don’t know, maybe the DOJ should take some action?

The DOJ does not agree. For reasons beyond my understanding, Kushner is a made man. There are never any consequences for his actions. There may never be. The only silver lining is that he’s too busy managing Saudi billions to cause more harm to Americans.

10. Aileen Cannon (previously unranked)

Jack Smith’s documents case is the most open-and-shut of the four Trump indictments, but Judge Flamenco Dancer—a Marco Rubio referral, by the way—has done everything in her considerable power to delay the trial. When Chunk put her in the opening credits of The Five 8, where she gives us the bird every week while strolling by, I never thought she’d have such staying power. But here we are.

9. Sam Alito (previous rank: 3)

Every time a pregnant woman suffers or dies because she is denied access to a safe, legal abortion, Alito is responsible. There is blood on his hands, lots of it, and there will only be more in 2024. His pomposity is exceeded only by his delusions of grandeur. In what horrible ways will he fuck us over in 2024?

8. Steve Bannon (previous rank: 15)

In an election year—again: the most pivotal one this country has held since 1860—the failed screenwriter, sinister strategist, proud Leninist, fire-hoser of shit podcaster, and would-be dismantler of the administrative state takes on added importance. A good time to lock his leprous ass up to serve the four-month sentence for the crime he was convicted of last year would be August 15.

7. Kash Patel (previously unranked)

On Steve Bannon’s podcast, Patel, whom Trump would likely install at CIA, DOD, or a similar institution with a lot of power, a huge budget, and beaucoup weapons, promised that the incoming MAGA team would make vengeance a priority:

We will go out and find the conspirators, not just in government but in the media. Yes, we’re going to come after the people in the media who lied about American citizens, who helped Joe Biden rig presidential elections. 

We’re going to come after you, whether it’s criminal or civilly, we’ll figure that out. But yeah, we’re putting you all on notice and Steve, this is why they hate us. This is why we’re tyrannical.

Weaponizing the DOJ and the civil courts would supercharge the demise of our democracy. Political rivals would be rounded up and jailed pending trial. Media companies would be sued into paralysis. Like, if the Trumpers start doing this on January 20, 2025, the United States as we know it would be toast by next Thanksgiving.

6. Mike Davis (previously unranked)

Like Patel, but smarter, and with a law degree. He’d likely be Trump’s choice for Attorney General. Heaven help us. Here’s a taste:

Happy Constitution Day

5. Elon Musk (previous rank: 8)

From last year:

Once the world’s richest person, still the worst’s boringest, Epic Thread lost $200 billion last year. That’s a fuck-ton of apartheid emeralds. I’ve written extensively about this Pretorian fraud, and made many jokes at his expense, but let me be clear: his ownership of Twitter—and his failed ownership of the libs—will result in countless innocent people dying, in the U.S. and around the world.

Musk has successfully dismantled the most important communication network we had, dispersed the forces working against Trump, shadowbanned his enemies, and promoted his Nazi pals. Already bad, in an election year “X” will only serve to spread disinformation, much of it of the Kremlin variety.

4. Mike Flynn (previous rank: 4)

Since Trump pardoned him, he’s been marshalling his antidemocratic forces. He scares the shit out of me, ngl.

3. Whoever Trump Picks as VP (previously unranked)

Elise Stefanik? Kari Lake? Nikki Haley? Someone worse? Whoever it is will be selected based on loyalty and a willingness to do anything—lie, cheat, steal, fellate—that Trump commands. At the moment of truth, Mike Pence sided with democracy over Donald. Trump won’t make the same mistake again.

2. Mike Johnson (previously unranked)

Two heartbeats from the presidency is a Christian nationalist zealot with a backstory that may as well be the redacted pages of the Mueller Report. Who is this guy? What’s up with his adopted Black “son?” Why does his wife think being gay is akin to bestiality? What techniques does Kelly Johnson use to “help” gay kids who use her counseling services? Does she use those techniques on her hubs? Why does he not have a bank account? When does he believe the Rapture will happen? How does that belief affect his style of governance? We’ve got a full year of Speaker Johnson to find out. Hallelujah.

1. Donald Trump (previous rank: 9)

What’s the worst thing a former president of the United States could do? I don’t know, but selling stolen nuclear secrets to the people who did 9/11 has to be up there. If Jack Smith alleges and then shows, beyond reasonable doubt, that Trump peddled hot intel to the Saudis, how many of his supporters would be persuaded not to vote for him? They’ve stuck with him through the serial rape, the racism, the embrace of white nationalism, the Hitler comps, the insurrection. Would that be enough to puncture the Fox News bubble and move the needle? And if it wasn’t—how would our country survive?

In 2024, Trump tops the villain list. Let’s hope that this time next year, after a loss in the election and multiple convictions, he drops off the list completely.